Where Is the Love for Women?

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34-35

In my search for a Christian community that I can partner with in ministering to those people who are most in need, I wind up visiting a lot of churches in this region. I have visited every kind: charismatic, evangelical, non-denominational, progressive, etc. Although over the years I have seen little signs of progress in many church’s approach to outreach -such as creating local community groups for lonely individuals to connect with others; partnering with other Christian charities to do service work for the disadvantaged individuals they serve; even creating community centers with food pantries and medical provisions for the homeless- there are still some patterns of behavior I witness in these Christian communities that leave me wondering, “where is the love?” .

In particular, I wonder where the concern is for women. Over the last forty years there has been a growing public awareness that women in our society are frequently targeted for abuse and worse by the bullies among us, simply because of their gender, and that this results in a large degree of damage to these women and all who relate to them. The seriousness of the damage done to the entire community by gender-based violence and exploitation of women has become so undeniable to relief organizations, social service professionals, researchers, and even governments that at this point there are a broad collection of reputable individuals and community-based groups all over this country and the rest of the world striving to prevent these crimes and find an effective means of restoring justice. As Sheryl WuDunn and Nicholas Kristof write:

“In the nineteenth century, the central moral challenge was slavery. In the twentieth century, it was the battle against totalitarianism. We believe that in this century the paramount moral challenge will be the struggle for gender equality around the world.”

― Sheryl WuDunn & Nicholas D. Kristof, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide

Cultural Values vs. Christian Values

It is not just women abroad who these crimes happen to. It is also American women and girls that are subjected to abuse and violence by American men and boys that they know personally or are even related to. One might ask how this is possible. The reality is that we live in an unjust world system that assigns unfounded privilege to some over others based on superficial reasons; why wouldn't those members of society who are repeatedly given the media message that they are entitled to exploit their counterpart members of society do so, especially in the vacuum of any alternative teaching or communal system of accountability motivating them to do otherwise?

This is where Christian community comes into play. It is in the practice of Christian discipleship that we are to confront those behaviors that cause harm to ourselves or others, (otherwise known as “sin” according to Romans 13:10), and receive adequate theological equipping to motivate us to “sin” no longer. Then, as an outgrowth of that change of heart, we demonstrate our faith by taking action to make amends to those who have been wronged by the individual or collective injustices of this world (James 2; 1 John 3).

However, I do not see this process of confronting and overcoming “sin” being applied in Christian communities to the pervasive cultural injustice of male domination and intimidation of women in its many forms: domestic violence; sexual exploitation of women; neglect of women in crisis in the community; refusal to hold male perpetrators of violence towards women accountable; verbal intimidation of women; exclusion of women from family and community decisions; and exclusion of women from community leadership.

Many of us may think that these problems mostly occur outside of Christian communities. However, multiple studies have shown that the percentages of people within “the Church” suffering from domestic violence and other forms of gender-based abuse are just as high as for those suffering from such abuses in the rest of our society ¹. And the statistics are high. About one in three American women have been physically abused by a husband or boyfriend in their adult lifetime ^2&3. In fact, battering injuries are the leading cause of injury to American women between the ages of 15-44 years of age, requiring more emergency room visits than all incidents of women’s injury from muggings, rapes, and traffic accidents combined ⁴.

This social epidemic extends itself to young women and girls as well: One out of five teenage girls in America has already experienced physical or sexual abuse by a date ⁵. In one national survey, 83% of girls (K-12) in America reported being sexually harassed at school ⁶. And about one in four or five college women experience rape or attempted rape by their male peers during their college years.

And this problem doesn't just involve women and girls; there is a large population of boys and men who are acting out abusively towards female peers and who need help in overcoming the false messages of this patriarchal culture. The perpetrators of intimate partner violence and abuse are predominantly men ⁷. For example, women in America are much more likely to be killed by their life partner than men are: one study from 2000 showed that 4 % of murdered men had been killed by their wives or girlfriends, whereas 33.5% of murdered women had been killed by their husbands or boyfriends ⁸.

Apparently, Christian pastors and other religious leaders have plenty of encounters with domestic violence situations and those in need of protection from them. More abuse victims, and even perpetrators, seek help from pastors and other religious leaders than from those in all other helping professions combined ⁹. In one study of conservative pastors in Canada, it was revealed that the majority of pastors were called on several times a year to respond to a woman who was being abused by her current boyfriend or husband¹⁰. 

The reason that the problem of domestic violence and its underlying exploitative attitude towards women is not being resolved in Christian communities is not the lack of awareness among church leaders, but the lack of response. For example, religious women suffering abuse who seek help from pastors are “often disappointed” to find a lack of awareness, understanding, and resource preparedness by these church leaders ¹¹. Similarly, in Carol Adams’ haunting article, ‘I just raped my wife! What are you going to do about it, Pastor?’ The church and sexual violence’, she demonstrates how most church leaders don’t realize that those who physically and sexually abuse their partners do so simply to reinforce their power, dominance, or control over their wife and family. She also demonstrates that the common response by church leaders to such outright bullying up to this point has been denial and passivity. ¹²

However, no response is in fact a public response of neutrality. And neutrality in the face of a social injustice implies that one is complicit with the injustice, both to the victims of such injustice as well as to the perpetrators. To quote Desmond Tutu:

“"If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."¹³

The Work of Discipleship

If these high statistics are occurring in our Christian communities, why aren't these life-threatening needs being addressed with life-saving resources and referrals? Why aren’t women being equipped with a theology that encourages them to protect themselves and oppose such abuse? Why aren’t men being equipped with a theology that teaches them to protect and defend women from such abuses and arrogant cultural attitudes? Why aren’t girls and young women being equipped with knowledge on how to protect themselves from such things, and boys and young men being equipped with knowledge on how to be allies with female peers in their protection?

What these statistics mean is that there are a large number of women in Christian communities who are likely to be in crisis and in need of practical resources and referrals. It also means there are many women in church audiences who need to be “built up” after being torn down by the false estimations of them by this world’s system. Likewise, there are a lot of men in these audiences who need to be equipped with knowledge on how to honor women and take a public stand against sexist attitudes in social situations. Christian men also need a support group that validates them for supporting and honoring women, while also holding them accountable when they struggle or fall short of their goals. This, after all, is what actual love looks like: treating women with dignity by restoring what has been taken from them, and treating men with dignity by expecting no less from them than noble and honorable character in their treatment of women.

“and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.” I Corinthians 12:23-25

...So how are we honoring women in our communities to ensure that men and women do indeed have equal concern for each other?

Church leaders need to demonstrate that they actually believe the gospel that they preach by addressing this overwhelming social sin and need among Christian believers with clear theological teaching that takes a decisive stand against male domination of women. Pastors also need to demonstrate integrity by following through with practical ministries that provide effective referral services for those in crisis due to domestic violence situations, sexual assault, and other forms of gender-based bullying.

Multiple interviews and focus groups have revealed that when pastors confront male violence against women directly through proactive teaching, (such as preaching a message condemning domestic violence), and providing effective service referrals, the impact is profoundly helpful and life-changing for those involved ¹⁴.

There is a growing number of Christians, including Christian leaders, who are taking a public stand against the false cultural teachings of sexism and male domination of women that has invaded Christian communities to “steal, kill and destroy”. It is time we sacrifice the false gods of this culture and reconcile ourselves with the God of social justice and righteousness.

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10

Endnotes:

1. No Place For Abuse, p.35, 50.

2. The Commonwealth Health Fund, Health Concerns Across a Woman’s Lifespan: 1998 Survey on Women’s Health, 1999.

3.The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s Behavioral Risk Factor Surveillance System, 2006; cited in Domestic Violence: what every pastor needs to know, Al Miles, p.3, 2011.

4.United States Senate Judiciary Committee, Violence Against Women (Washington, D.C.: Government Printing Office, 1992).

5.Silverman, J., A. Mucci Raj, J. Hatha. “Dating Violence against Adolescent Girls and Associated Substance Use, Unhealthy Weight Control, Sexual Risk Behavior, Pregnancy, and Suicidality.” The Journal of the American Medical Association, Vol. 286, No. 5, 2001.

6.Stein, Nan. Classrooms and Courtrooms: Facing Sexual Harassment in K-12 Schools. New York: Teachers College Press, 1999. P.12.

7. The Macho Paradox: why some men hurt women, and how all men can help, Jackson Katz, p.15, 2206.

8.Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, 2003.

9. Abuse and Religion: When Praying Isn’t Enough, Anne Horton and Judith Williamson, 1988.

10. No Place for Abuse, Kroeger, p.52.

11. Nason-Clark, Nancy. 2005. Linking Research and Social Action: Violence, Religion and the Family. Review of Religious Research 46, no.3:221-24
(and)
Nason-Clark, Nancy, and Catherine Clark Kroeger. 2004. Refuge from Abuse: Hope and Healing for Abused Religious Women. Downers Grove: InterVarsity Press.
(and)
Nason-Clark, Nancy, et al. 2009. The RAVE Project: Developing Web-Based Religious Resources for Social Action on Domestic Violence. Critical Social Work 10, no. 1:1-11.

12. Carol Adams ‘I just raped my wife! What are you going to do about it, Pastor?’ The church and sexual violence’, in Transforming a Rape Culture, eds E Buchwald, P Fletcher and M Roth, Milkweed Editions, Minneapolis, 1995.

13. As quoted in Ending Poverty As We Know It : Guaranteeing a Right to a Job at a Living Wage (2003) by William P. Quigley, p. 8

14. See No Place for Abuse, Kroeger, p.53.